Let’s be honest. Roommates can be annoying. They eat your leftovers out of the fridge. They leave their nasty, dirty underwear on the floor. They blast their TV at high volumes, and they are just generally obnoxious.
Well, it’s time to take revenge. Just make sure your renters insurance is paid up. After you implement these strategies, don’t be surprised if you see a lamp sailing across the room, or find your favorite CD glued to the inside of the case.
Here are 20 ways to annoy your roommate:
- Refer to your roommate as “sweetcheeks,” especially in front of his girlfriend.
- Start every sentence when you talk to your roommate with “Momma always said” in your best Forrest Gump voice.
- Repeat the last word of everything your roommate says in an “echo” voice.
- Rant about government mind control and wrap the outside of your roommate’s door in tin foil.
- Say “that’s what she said” after everything your roommate says.
- Do math out loud. Make mistakes. (“Let’s see, two nickels and two dimes… I’ve got 50 cents!”)
- Change your roommate’s sheets every time he leaves the apartment.
- Scratch your head constantly.
- Buy a fish bowl and fill it with Mountain Dew. Dump Goldfish Crackers into it and talk to them while they disintegrate.
10. Two words: laxative brownies.
11. Become Zoroastrian. Constantly talk about Zoroastrianism.
12. Become Zorro.
13. Move your roommate’s bed one inch further away from the wall each night.
14. Glue his dresser drawer shut.
15. Draw a moustache on his bathroom mirror.
16. Walk backwards.
17. Stack and number your beer cans on an end table.
18. Loudly recite lines from Monty Python every time your roommate is on the phone.
19. Hide some snack foods in sealed bags in the bottom of the trash can. When you get hungry, dig through the trash and eat it.
20. Read the “20 ways to annoy your roommate” list out loud. With a French accent.
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